


Track 14. Treason

by Piano_Padawan



Series: Episode IX: The Musical [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format, Song Parody, Song: Helpless (Hamilton), Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22013998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piano_Padawan/pseuds/Piano_Padawan
Summary: *TROS Spoilers*In which Armitage Hux reflects on why he made certain life choices in the form of a love song to Poe Dameron, sung to the tune of "Helpless" from Hamilton, as is to be expected.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux
Series: Episode IX: The Musical [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584562
Comments: 17
Kudos: 22





	Track 14. Treason

**Author's Note:**

> All copyrighted material here used here is for unofficial parody purposes.
> 
> Please forgive the improper script format. I couldn't get the indentation to work here for some reason, so I had to improvise with what's screen direction vs. dialogue.

**INT. The private chambers of Armitage Hux aboard _the Steadfast_.**

_ARMITAGE HUX is huddled in a fetal position, conflicted about his recently actions as a traitor. Normally, such a drastic development in Hux’s character arc would warrant a deep reflection, examining his conflicted psyche from lifelong trauma. However, because this is a light-hearted movie musical, he instead decides express himself in the form of a song with a perky tune, a he attempts to convince himself his treason has everything to do with Ren and nothing to do with a certain pilot._

**ARMITAGE** _(sung)_

Ooh. Oh, what the hell did I just do?! It’s insane!

Ooh. Oh, what the hell did I just do?!

_(Refrain)_

I’ve committed treason!

Did it to spite Ren. That’s the only reason

For this treason!

I thought, why not? Ren sucks. Let’s betray him.

_(Verse 1)_

I have never been the type to leak out information

I tracked down the Rebels during their evacuation.

Scoffing at their efforts, thinking their end’s coming soon

Then you call in. The Dreadnought went BOOM!

Tryin’ to understand your weird Rebel Scum humor,

Hoping that that thing with you and Finn’s just a rumor,

Shocked, scared yet impressed by the way you fly.

See it’s clear I need you here as my ally.

And now I’ve leaked this precious info out you...

I’m panicking now thinking what did I just do?

If someone catches me, I know that I’m through.

But I’m still helping you knowing full well…

_(Refrain)_

It’s treason.

This is all insane ( _sung over chorus:_ Oh, he is insane.)

What do I have to gain from

This treason?

Down to spite Ren

Is that the end of it?

Treason!

I’m not that into him.

I did this on a whim.

I know…

I’m down to spite Ren

And that’s the end of it!

**INT. The Command Bridge of the Steadfast.**

_Armitage’s phone begins to ring at an inconvenient time as phones are prone to do in movies. He checks the caller ID, which is a foolish thing for a spy to have but he’s new at this, and heads for the exit but is blocked by ALLEGIANT GENERAL PRYDE._

**PRYDE**

Where do you think you’re going?

**ARMITAGE**

Just some private matters. I’m... blackmailing someone... it involves some ungloved hands... I don’t think you want to hear about it.

**PRYDE**

I most certainly do not.

**ARMITAGE**

May I be excused then?

**PRYDE**

By all means, take your obscene phone call outside!

_Outside the Bridge, Armitage retreats to one of those convenient alcoves in the hall where people plot escape plans and various traitorous activities because none of the guards ever check there for unspecified reasons._

**ARMITAGE** _(over the phone)_

I told you I’d call you not the other way around.

**POE** _(on the other end of the line)_

I thought you said we’d talk at 2.

**ARMITAGE**

2 AM not PM!

**POE**

You’re up at 2AM? That’s not healthy.

**ARMITAGE**

If you’re going to lecture me, I’ll just assume you don’t care about this intel and go back to work.

**POE**

Come on. Don’t be like that, babe. What’s the intel?

**ARMITAGE**

Ren’s far ahead of all of you on the scavenger hunt for Sith Souvenirs. He found a wayfinder and an actual Sith Lord. Also, a piece of his mask fell off, revealing 12% of his face and he has since refused to appear for any public gatherings until it is fixed.

**POE**

Oh damn... you sure you’re okay in the First Order with all those crazies?

**ARMITAGE**

I can take care of myself. Now, I need to go.

**POE**

Well, if it takes fighting a war for us to talk it will have been worth it.

**ARMITAGE**

Wh-what is that supposed to mean?! Wait! Dameron!

_The line cuts off, leaving Armitage blushing and baffled._

**INT. The private chambers of Armitage Hux.**

**ARMITAGE** _(sung)_

_(Verse 2)_

One week later, I’m transmitting leaks nightly.

Have to keep on lying, and now Poe keeps trying to text me.

Trying to keep my cool at the meeting so I can fool them.

**KYLO** _(sung)_

I’m just saying when I find this spy I’ll kriffing kill him!!!

Arghhh!

Cut to **INT. The hallway of the Steadfast.**

_POE DAMERON, FINN and CHEWBACCA have gotten caught by Stormtrooper guards and taken to General Pryde and General Hux after breaking into a Star Destroyer and making no effort to disguise themselves whatsoever._

**ARMITAGE** _(sung)_

Two weeks later, we’ve got a complication.

Pryde’s there, stoned-faced ordering your execution.

Things just get worse and I want to curse

I might as well call your hearse, ‘cause the blasters are all aimed at you.

I tell the executioner, “I’ll take part too.”

I kill them instead and reveal myself to you.

And then you say to me you always knew.

And now, I’m helping you escape knowing

_(Refrain)_

It’s treason!

I can’t turn back now (No turning back now)

Don’t know how I’ll explain all this

Treason!

Ooo! Now I’m doomed

To be executed

For treason!

I saved your life! I don’t know why!

It’s treason!

Watch them say “goodbye”

And fly off without me.

_Armitage, Poe, Finn and Chewbacca reach the Millennium Falcon with seconds to escape. However, because this is a movie, time is skewed, and a few seconds is therefore enough time to sing the rest of the song. Armitage prepares to leave, but Poe stops him._

**POE** _(rap break)_

Armitage, I don’t really have much of a fleet,

No base to protect. But if you defect

That would be neat.

All I have’s my X-Wing, and my droid BB-8,

A couple galactic credits – not your ideal date.

Oh well.

It’s like you said, there’s nothing we can do instead.

Kylo’ll want your head. And General Pryde wants to see you dead.

No stress, though things for us are looking real bad.

We can flee to the Outer Rim and hide. Wouldn’t that be rad?

It’ll be sorta tough ‘cause you’ve been brainwashed since you were a child.

You’ll have to adjust to trust the people whom you’ve reviled.

But I just can’t forget how you helped us as a spy.

So, why don’t you come along with us. I think that would justify your…

Treason!

**ARMITAGE** _(sung)_

Well, then I guess I’ll go with you.

**POE** _(sung)_

Armitage…

**ARMITAGE** _(sung)_

I’ve got nothing better to do.

**POE** _(sung)_

Maybe you’re not so evil.

**ARMITAGE** _(sung)_

Hurry up, Scum

And run or they’ll kill us.

**POE** _(sung)_

I’ll run off with this spy. Got to say I like him.

**ARMITAGE** _(sung)_

We’ll grab a ship and fly straight to the Outer Rim. I…

I didn’t die

And I can’t believe it!

So, this is what they call redemption.

So, this is what they call redemption.

So, this is what they call redemption.

Treason!

_Blackout._


End file.
